Day 5 of the A to Z challenge, and time for Envy. It’s not going to be pretty, guys …
No one likes to admit to feeling envious. It’s not a nice emotion, it’s had a lot of bad press (deadly sins and all that), and it diminishes us – even in our own eyes. But most of us have experienced the green-eyed monster at some point in our lives.
![[HDR] Green Eye(s)](https://i0.wp.com/farm2.static.flickr.com/1263/605601108_5d4923366f_m.jpg "[HDR] Green Eye(s)")
I’m not envious that Francesca Segal won, of course – she totally deserved to, it’s a brilliant book and I’m really enjoying reading it. And it’s not that I think I’m anywhere near good enough as a writer to stand a chance of winning such an accolade (but maybe one day …) When I take out my envy and have a good look at it, I realise it’s all part of the indie-inferiority-complex that I manage to keep hidden away most of the time. Self-published books can’t be entered in competitions like the Costa Book Award. Indie authors are barred, just like we’re barred from all the major high-profile book competitions, and societies like the Romantic Novelists’ Association. We’re barred because clearly we are all, as a group, completely crap and not worth bothering with.
Bitter? Me? Well, maybe just a tiny bit. It’s the root of my envy, at least. I’m not good enough to be entered into a competition like this, but I know a number of indie authors who most certainly are – Linda Gillard and Lindsay Stanberry-Flynn spring to mind. My circle of author friends is small, but there must be a whole world of talent out there. But without a publisher to send in the required copies, without the established network, they are permanently excluded.
OK, I’ve heard all the arguments – it would take too long to read all the entries, publishers act as a filter etc – and fine, I agree it’s problematic to open up a competition to author-nominated entries. But the people who run these awards are intelligent and creative – if they can’t find a way to be more inclusive then shame on them.
So am I saying that secretly I wish I did have a traditional publishing contract? This question has been niggling away at me for some time now, mainly to do with options around my MA study (which I’ll come back to on M). Is that the root of my envy, really? I know own thing – being honest with myself is a principle that’s hugely important to me, and I need to dig deep to find the answers. Unpleasant feelings like envy, anger, shame and hate give us the opportunity to learn more about ourselves – and that has to be a good thing!
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Joanne Phillips 
April 5, 2013 at 8:11 am
Great, honest post. And you’re not alone. Someone famous – probably Oscar Wilde – once said something along the lines of ‘every time a friend is successful a little part of me dies’.
April 5, 2013 at 8:18 am
I’ve read some great Indie books too. Although places like Amazon and their KDP help indie authors, it also means it’s harder to get noticed. Some indie authors have grouped together to make a bigger impact and in some cases, this appears to be a good strategy. Things like indieB.R.A.G. are a big help too. As for envy, used in the right way can be a positive thing. Thanks for the post. 🙂
April 5, 2013 at 8:50 am
Morning. When will you accept that you are a really good writer, hmm? Accept it 🙂
And you might as well create your own awesome award for all the self pub people. Some of the traditionally pub books that have won awards are rubbish to me, so it’s still all subjective isn’t it?
Em x
April 5, 2013 at 8:58 am
This was a brave post Jo, it’s never easy to admit to ‘negative’ feelings.
When it comes to writing, I don’t normally compare myself to traditionally published authors, because we’re not playing at the same level. Also Awards can be tricky, as I think that sometimes personal taste is involved, when these are given.
Having said that, I did feel envy this week for a fellow indie author. I belong to a group on FB of indie writers and one of our colleagues last month launched his first book. Well, he managed to sell 1,250 copies in his first month! He didn’t even give it away for free at any time. To me that is a staggering success. I haven’t managed to achieve that in a year 😦
I congratulated him and asked what marketing strategies did he use to promote the book, and he told me he had done very little, just uploaded it on amazon KDP and created a fanpage on FB. That’s all. I think that is what really ‘got’ me. Not so much the fact that he was successful, I have no doubt that his book is good, but the fact that it had been so EASY for him.
I hate all the marketing/promotion stuff we have to do to make readers aware that our books exist, and it takes so much time and effort, so I felt inadequate about my poor results. And here this guy waltzes in, he’s got no website, no blog, no twitter, no other fancy stuff, and manages to sell so many copies in one month. Was I right to get annoyed about this, or was my envy just pure ‘wickedness’?
April 5, 2013 at 9:56 am
Haha, you were right to get annoyed, life isn’t fair 😛
April 5, 2013 at 9:20 am
A brave and honest post, Jo, and one that really strikes a chord with me as a writer who’s been mainstream published and DIY. Even when you HAVE a traditional contract, the envy is still there nibbling away at the edges. We have to put it aside and keep believing in ourselves. Everyone who writes is a real writer, whether they’re traditionally published, self-published or just privately scribbling away longhand in a big ledger every night! And awards are only as good as the last one you won – ready to be overtaken by the next winner or the next award.
It is a shame that a lot of bigger awards are closed to self-published books, and I’m sure the day will come when that changes. Indie and self-publishing is becoming more and more mainstream. Although, can you imagine the influx of entries if the Costa said ‘yes’ – and the administrative headache of filtering? I’ve been on the judging panel of the Bristol Short Story Prize and it’s an incredibly tough job narrowing the field down to the longlist, the shortlist and winners.
There are some awards open to self-published books. The Rubery immediately springs to mind, and The Wishing Shelf. And, as Sue mentioned, IndieBRAG is making an excellent contribution. There are also a lot of opportunities with regional awards, who are much more accepting of all forms of publishing – our authors have had success in local literary awards in Cumbria and East Anglia because their books were on a local theme. It’s tempting for some people to write off ‘local’ as being small-fry but one of our authors was longlisted alongside genuine heavyweights who’d entered including Joanna Trollope. That was a real confidence-booster!
Really enjoying your A to Z. Can’t wait for tomorrow’s post 🙂
April 5, 2013 at 9:25 am
Thanks, Jo for citing me as a potential winner of awards. 🙂 When I was traditionally published, I was shortlisted for a few & even won one, but now I have to accept I can’t be considered. I’ve struggled with this too and I admire the honesty your piece. I can’t claim to have put envy behind me yet, but I look at it this way…
A lot of those award winners and short-listees are not earning a living from their writing. I am.
A lot of them are under pressure to clone their success or write books that will be modified by the wishes of editors or even marketing departments. My current work-in-progress is the first novel I’ve ever written knowing
a) it will definitely be published
2) it will make me money
3) I can write it any way I damn well please!
I can say all this only because I’m successful *indie* author. This is a HUGE privilege and for me far outweighs winning even the Booker. If I had any doubts about my path, they were set aside last night when I had a long chat with a trad pub’d author, bemoaning the fact that thanks to a change of editor, her publisher no longer wanted the novel she was writing and for which they’d already paid her an advance.The editor wanted a completely different (and more trivial) story but reassured her author by saying she could write it using the same characters!
That’s exactly what happened to me when I was trad pub’d. After much agonising, I paid back my advance and eventually I went indie. Eligibility for awards would be nice, but for me they don’t come near creative freedom.
April 5, 2013 at 5:25 pm
You give us all hope, Linda! :-)))
April 6, 2013 at 7:33 am
Amazed and appalled by the information just supplied, Linda! Suppose it’s like a getting a record contract – you have to keep churning out the hits. And a publishing contract means you have to keep writing what the public wants (or what the public is told it wants by the publishing industry!). I thank God for the stranger who yesterday bought, read and reviewed one of mine in one day ~ oh, and this was a book that was read in entirety by a couple of agents, after which I was told I would need to change the plot before they could sell it… um, it’s been in the Amazon Top 30, and has over 70 five star reviews…!
Linda, I haven’t read any of yours but I’ve heard other good things about them, so I will at some point!
Yes, good post, Jo, and three cheers for the honesty – me too, about much of it!
April 10, 2013 at 11:05 am
Thanks, Terry.
To be fair to my ex-publisher, they never said readers wouldn’t like HOUSE OF SILENCE. I don’t think readers even came into the equation. What they said was, “If you don’t turn this into a romance, I don’t know how we can market it.” (I marketed HoS as “REBECCA meets COLD COMFORT FARM” – in other words, I embraced the quirky genre mix.)
Traditional publishing isn’t run by readers or even publishers, it’s run by retailers. Nowadays that means the supermarkets. Until the advent of indie publishing, few would have disputed the statement that the most powerful person in publishing was the chief bookbuyer at Tesco. But the indie revolution has enabled authors to go direct to readers. (OK, via Amazon, but not only do they not get in the way, they have no prejudices about genre-busting and have made it very easy for us to reach our potential readers.)
Publishing has once again become about what readers want to read and what writers want to write. Indies like me have proved you can make money writing what you want to write because most readers are incredibly open-minded and catholic in their tastes. If it’s a good story, they’ll give it a go. They don’t need a new book to be the same as the last one that author wrote (which was my problem. My previously published book had been shortlisted for/won Romance awards. How could I be thinking of changing genre?!)
Indies have their marketing problems too. The competition is immense and a brilliant cover is one that works as an image the size of a postage stamp. But at least we’re selling directly to readers. We get a lot of immediate feedback from reviews, Facebook, Twitter, etc and we can respond directly & immediately, as I did when Jo reviewed HOUSE OF SILENCE.
But the greatest change is the fact that most indies are publishing for one reason only – and it isn’t to make money. We publish because we have a story to tell and we’re damn well going to tell it! That’s why I went indie. I never expected to sell many copies, let alone earn a living. I was just determined that a few people should be able to read HOUSE OF SILENCE because in my not so humble opinion, it was a story worth telling.
Passion. That’s what indies have brought back to publishing. And I’m not talking about naked male torsos.
April 5, 2013 at 10:00 am
A very honest and brave post. I think it would be difficult for any writer to deny they sometimes feel envy, even traditionally published authors. I’m sure they look at other authors and wish they had their sales figures or been nominated for that award etc. I really don’t think this feeling is a standalone for indie publishers. As writers I do think we are doomed to a life of being overly self critical, but with great blogs like this, we know we’re never alone.
April 5, 2013 at 10:33 am
Thanks for sharing this. I think it all boils down to wanting to be valued as a writer. And of course, most writer are pretty harsh on themselves.I think envy actually shows that you are driven, and sometimes, I wish I had that ambition 😉
April 5, 2013 at 10:43 am
Joanne: be patient, it will happen! Just saying 😉
April 5, 2013 at 11:02 am
Another insightful post Jo. As a novice blogger I suffered from envy last night when I looked at 20 blogs on the A to Z list and saw how many comments they were getting for their posts. Perhaps Award organisers could set up a section on their websites for readers to nominate an Indie book; they could then read just the top 5 nominations to consider their inclusion on the longlist.
April 5, 2013 at 11:07 am
This is a great post, Jo (and not only because of your mention of me which I very much appreciate), but because it’s brave and honest, as several other people have said. Rather than revealing something negative, the post shows what a lovely, generous person you are.
I think envy is an aspect of human behaviour and exists in every sphere to some extent. But one of the things I’ve been struck by is how supportive of each other indie authors tend to be. Yes, it can hurt to see others being more successful, but still people seem to cheer each other on, as if every small success contributes to the overall good.
Helen mentions Rubery (not only for self-published but also books from small independent presses)and The Wishing Shelf Awards and I’ve been lucky enough to be successful in both of those. While they might not bring the kudos and big financial rewards of a Booker or Costa win, they do deliver their own spurt of joy and satisfaction.
April 5, 2013 at 11:52 am
Great post. I also feel that little stab…. I hope one day my writing might be that good.
I also think competitions should adapt to the reality of self-publishing and find a way to include such authors…
April 5, 2013 at 1:13 pm
I love this post. I have to be honest and say I have never heard of you before this however I would be inclined to pick up one of your books and will keep a wee eye out based on this post. I am not a writer, I just love reading and have my own review site and will give just about any book a go. After a horrible encounter with an “author” who disliked my review and resorted to threats and harassment, I must admit I have taken a step back from unpublished authors (without a known publisher) and been very selective in agreeing to even a few. After reading this and being reminded how normal, nice and honest people are, and not letting a small few ruin it, I will look at my acceptance criteria again. Sorry to go on a wee sidetrack rant but it is so refreshing to see someone being so honest. Good luck with your books and I hope things change and Indie authors get an award that recognizes them, I must admit I don’t get why it is an issue to include you all but I have little to no knowledge on the whole publishing side.
Lainy SMBSLT
April 5, 2013 at 2:36 pm
mmm, fabulous. As you are probably aware, I am working on producing ALLi’s document to encourage prize committees to be open to self-publishers. It’s something very close to my heart, for the very important reason that the reading public is being deceived and sold short. They are being told that the major awards are for “the best” rather than “the best of xxx pool.” So if they peruse the winning entries and think “if this is the best, books are not for me” they are being done a huge disservice.
“So am I saying that secretly I wish I did have a traditional publishing contract?”
I know that my personal answer is that if we want things to change we have to do it from the inside. It’s not about me or you as a writer and whether we can win a prize (however much that may be where our envy directs our thoughts, and fair play – I’ve made no bones about saying it’s my ambition to win a Nobel!). It’s about being honest with the public and that can only happen if the system either changes or the media coverage of it is transparent.
There is a lot of talk about hybrid authors at the moment. And I came very very close to subbing my current work to small presses. It’s the best thing I’ve written by far. It’s off the wall quirky, and from what I have seen in the past year small presses have overtaken self-publishers in promoting innovative content. But I eventually decided I’ll self-publish it because the only way we will gte things to change so as to bring the widest choice to the widest public through prizes and festivals and bookstores is to make sure we self-publish our best work.
April 5, 2013 at 2:57 pm
Well done, Jo. I wouldn’t call it envy; simply a desire to reflect the changes in the publishing world. (Anyway, envy is useful. If I read a writer whose work I envy, it spurs me to do better.)
I get very cross that our books can’t be considered eligible for prizes. It would be justified if traditionally published books were chosen because they are the cream of the crop, like the top passes in national exams, but we all know they’re not. Excluding indie authors from competitions reinforces the idea that we are an unqualified underclass. This is a perception we have been chipping away at, and it’s time the last barriers came down.
I realise there are logistics to consider, but as you say, where there’s a will there’s a way.
And BTW, it may interest you to know that some of the writers who judge these prestigious prizes have not written their own books.
Indies have.
April 5, 2013 at 3:07 pm
I hear you Joanne. We don;t wish the award winners we encounter would fall in a hole, we just want to know our work is strong enough to merit the same attention. You and I will one day look back at these thoughts and smile when we can point to our own accolades or share a dessert at some writer’s conference where we have to stop our conversation to sign autographs!
April 5, 2013 at 3:14 pm
Hi Jo
I think most ‘indie’ writers will empathise with your views! No need to beat yourself over the head ‘cos you’re not trad published. Your books are great and bring joy to many readers – unlike some of the so-called literary prize winners. But I do understand the desire to be accredited by more than book sales. My own book has not sold in the thousands – yet!- but I’ve received lovely feedback from readers. A couple of people have mentioned The Wishing Shelf Award and I entered last year and have just been awarded Silver in Adult Fiction. Ok, so it’s not the Booker but . . The feeling’s good! There’s a number of comps open to indie authors, both in UK & US and although you have to pay to enter it’s better than a slap round the face with a wet fish!
So keep on writing and don’t worry about the ‘lit awards’. Things may well change over the next few years
Annex
April 5, 2013 at 3:25 pm
The award situation doesn’t bother me as much as the underlying assumption that “as a group, we’re completely crap and not worth bothering with” (as you said it so nicely!).
I haven’t researched this, but I’m thinking that some of the best known (financially successful) indie authors have not won any awards; they simply write books their readers love. And I’m OK being judged by my readers, not a panel of judges. Besides, in writing, who’s to say what “best” is, anyway?
No, I find it more painful that people assume that because I’m self-published, I take short-cuts and don’t bother to do a quality job. (A review this week congratulated me on having no spelling mistakes but still assumed the book hadn’t been proofread or line-edited. It had, of course.) So, I guess my envy is the implied level of quality – and I mean implied, not actual – that a ‘proper’ contract brings.
April 5, 2013 at 3:28 pm
Hi Jo, I really enjoyed this post. As an author whose debut novel won/placed in 14 different awards, and in several different categories, (Best YA, Best Historical, Best Commercial Novel, Book of the Year; on Foreword Reviews, Writer’s Digest, Eric Hoffer, ReaderViews, etc) I feel qualified to say that with each win, I was thrilled, as I desperately needed the validation that someone out there besides Great Aunt Alice, liked, maybe even loved, my novel. And please note that I mention all of the above, not to brag ( well OK, maybe just a little – a part of me still needs that validation, ya know….) but mostly to show that even with quite a wide swath of acceptance, the awards didn’t result in any memorable bump of sales for me. All of this happened before I had the feedback of readers’ reviews.
I had to search long and hard to find contests that accepted self-published works, and would be glad to send my list to anyone who is interested (email me for it at diannelk@gmail.com) . However, even now, 2 years later, I still don’t know if the awards have helped me to sell books. I put a few digital badges on the cover, but have read several comment threads where people argue as to whether or not Book Awards come into play when a reader is deciding to buy a book or not. It seems that even the awards that DO accept indie authors, don’t carry the same klout and recognition that the contests hosted for trad published books do.
I am so glad you are doing the entire alphabet – so many more great posts to look forward to!
April 5, 2013 at 3:32 pm
Isn’t it refreshing when someone speaks from their heart openly and honestly? Jo, you have expressed far more eloquently than I could the reasons why we started ‘The Book Awards’ in 2008.
Indie authors absolutely deserve the chance to compete in awards and gain recognition when successful. The Book Awards may be small but around 20,000 people in nearly 100 countries have viewed the entries in the past three months alone. The awards are free to enter and we feature the winners on the site. As a ‘not for profit’, our sole aim is to promote authors, especially those who are overlooked by the literary establishment.
The Book Awards are tiny compared to the likes of Booker and Costa but unlike many awards, ordinary people (yes customers!) vote for the nominated books, in their thousands. Indie books are not only welcome, they often outperform the more famous entries.
Sorry for plugging our awards but Jo’s post does rather connect with our raison d’etre.
April 5, 2013 at 5:36 pm
This post spoke to me too, I feel exactly the same when I see a book with an award sticker on it. Although, as some have commented here, an award doesn’t always translate into huge sales & cash. But, it’d still be nice to be recognised by your peers?
My ex-navy husband has a great saying about people on the outside being able to ‘pee into the tent’ rather than sit inside. Perhaps that’s what we ALLi’s need to do? (Ok, I don’t really mean that).
PS. I’m also doing the /A-Z Challenge and although I’m already a day (and a letter) behind, I’m really enjoying it.
April 5, 2013 at 6:23 pm
Doing an A-Z blog hop around the list and randomy landed on yours Joanne, thank you for it. am glad that I found you – even randomly! And all the comments were so appreciative – as am I. Envy is a huge lot better that jealousy which is where we wish the other harm. Envy is a natural emotion – we just wish that we had whatever the other has. I feel envy all the time!
April 5, 2013 at 7:00 pm
Great piece Joanne. Hope you won’t mind me hijacking your comment box to say that indies who want to change this situation can get involved with The Alliance of Independent Author (ALLi)’s campaign “Open Up To Indies”.
We are contacting literary festivals, prizes, professional reviewers and indie bookstores to encourage them to find ways to make room for indie authors in their programmes. We need volunteers so if anyone who reads this far is willing, please write to us — info@allianceindependentauthors.org.
I do agree with Sisyphus47 that it will happen — but let’s make it happen sooner.
Thanks for your honest and brave piece. Great to see so many ALLi folks here.
April 5, 2013 at 7:10 pm
My Grandma always said envy was a wasted emotion. The only way to make it a moot point is to go out there and go after what you want. 🙂
April 5, 2013 at 7:21 pm
I am less time at it than you, so I have envy of all the really successful indies! So what re awards, I think now….. After all the effort, the subject of my post today, it would be great to get reward of some sort!
April 6, 2013 at 9:00 am
Hey Joanne, great post. I agree with you that it doesn’t feel nice to feel envious … but at the same time it’s worth remembering that it’s a natural, human emotion, and one which everyone experiences. Some people are just more honest about it than others. If ‘one’ feels envious of another’s success but is also pleased for them, it’s only natural. Maybe to feel envious and begrudging is a bit different. It’s easy to feel guilty about emotions and responses over which we have no control. It’s how we act (or not) on those emotions which makes the difference – in my opinion. So, don’t beat yourself up, honey. It just means you’re human. 🙂
April 6, 2013 at 5:22 pm
Great post. There still needs to be a levelling off for some things and membership and awards will do that in the coming years. It’ll take time, but they have to accept the self-publishing juggernaut that is heading their way.
April 6, 2013 at 8:32 pm
Great honest post Jo 🙂
Xx
April 7, 2013 at 3:25 am
I mentioned this post to my critique mates last night. (We’re all traditionally published authors; all but one of us has also indie pubbed.) Please don’t imagine that author envy has anything to do with being indie/self-pubbed. The only thing that changes when you’re corporately published is the thing you’re envious of. Unagented authors envy authors with agents. Agented authors envy authors with book contracts. Authors under contract envy authors with bigger advances. Authors with big advances envy authors with starred reviews/ bestsellers/ movie deals. Authors with all of the above envy JK Rowling, so unless you’re JK Rowling, I guess you’re not immune. (Even she may have felt a pang when CASUAL VACANCY was trashed in the NY Times.) I won’t pretend to be immune from it, but I will say it doesn’t sting like it used to.
Anyway – wonderful post. Thanks for your refreshing honesty.
April 8, 2013 at 6:58 pm
Thanks Joni, and thanks to everyone who commented. This has to be one of my most popular posts ever! Very unexpected, but lovely to see so many people discussing it. 🙂 x Jo